thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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