you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
