The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
