do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
