hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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