Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
