There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
