I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
