hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He shit in the fireplace
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
