Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
