Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
