We tried having a conversation with our noses.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
