forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
