Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
