We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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