hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
