Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
