You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
