dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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