Someone shit on the floor
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
