im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The adults are the big ones right?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
