He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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