drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
is wine microwaveable?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
