if you like me you must not know who I am
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
