'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
foreskin is a definite game changer
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
