Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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