I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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