what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize