dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
