You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
