So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
