I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
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