My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
