I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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