Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
