sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He better not be in your backpack
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
