dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
