Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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