Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
