yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
