Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
