no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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