Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
