just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
