my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
