True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
