she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Randomize