I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize