i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
