Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
