i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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