I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
