They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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