The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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