I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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