I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I wear drunk well.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
