hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize