she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
