loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
