Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
