No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Fuck me I smell like cheese
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
