I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
