The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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