I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
