Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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