tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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