Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
