you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
