Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
