I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
found the other keg... it's in the tree
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
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